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If there
is one thing I have learnt about working with animals,
its that you've got to have a sense of humour !
10 Reasons why its great to be a
DOG (Author unknown)
1. If it
itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no
one will be offended if you scratch it in public.
2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird
places as you get older.
3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to
take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your
own hair.
4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good
health.
5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some
people might actually think you're cute.
6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone
or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.
7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.
8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or
dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if
you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.
9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're
always excited to see the same old people. All they have to
do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.
10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to
you.
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A Dog named SEX
(Author unknown)
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Roy." I call
mine "Sex." He's a great pal but he has caused me a great
deal of embarrassment.
When I went to the city hall to renew his dog license, I
told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd
like one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he
didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't
understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked
and said, "You must have been quite a kid."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog
with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my
wife and me and a special room for sex.
He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay
your bill we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you
don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk
said, "Funny -- I have the same problem."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the
competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked
me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I
told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told
me I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand," I
said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that
cable is all over the place it's no big deal anymore."
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for
custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had sex before I
was married." The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a
confessional. Stick to the case, please."
Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He
said, "Me, too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around
town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you
doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him
that I was looking for Sex.
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10 Dog Whinges about
Humans (Submitted by a friend)
1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not very
funny at all!
2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG
YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check
stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my
nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you
know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a
dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then
acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your
guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake
thing yet.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we
both know the truth, you're just jealous.
10. Dog sweaters... Err.... Have you noticed the fur?
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